Grieving

First you'll deny

you can't imagine why

it’s just too hard to believe

why would they ever leave

Then anger hits

its not fair, is it

you play the if only game

then try to find someone to blame

You try to bargain to no avail

you can’t change it, you'll fail

you plead and you pray

but there is nothing you can say

you go into the darkest place

no light so you can’t face

the pain of loss so hard to bare

why is life so unfair

sometimes you’re angry and you despair

sometimes you pray because you care

sometimes depression smothers you

and there is nothing you can do

it takes a while
one day you may smile

you accept that its all changed

your life gradually rearranged

your heart still aches

a memory awakes

bitter sweet and deeply sad

you miss what you once had

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

Love Poetry

they write of love

insipid snippets

of feelings thrown

against the wall

to see if they stick

what do they know

of love

changing partners

like I change socks

claiming a higher level

of emotional depth

and yet

it is the opposite

as shallow

as a puddle in the desert

they dramatize

to feel valued

but they don’t know themselves

so how can they love

another

and another

love has depths

curves and corners

it cuts deeply

and soothes softly

it rages and simmers

it sighs

it sneaks a smile

on your face

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

I wanted to be an angel

I wanted to be an angel

all dressed in white

I wanted to be an angel

and do what was right

I wanted to be an angel

and be part of the light

I wanted to be an angel

and fight the good fight

I wanted to be an angel

and be all that is good

I wanted to be an angel

and be all I could

I wanted to be an angel 

so that I’d be loved

I wanted to be an angel

thats what my prayers were of

I learned religion saw woman

as either good or bad

as virgins or prostitutes

and thats really sad

I walked the road to disillusion

took that path of despair

cynicism and sarcasm walked with me

and we left hope out there

I wanted to be an angel

until I fell

I wanted to be an angel

but you could never tell

I’m a fallen angel

fell into harm

I’m a fallen angel

fell into satan’s arms

I am just a woman

neither good nor bad

not a virgin not a prostitute

just living the life i had

(c) 2017 by Catherine Elder

Think of me

Think of me 

when you see

a hawk on the wing

when you hear

a mockingbird sing

when you see

a cat on the prowl

when you hear

the call of a night owl

when you taste

early morning dew

think of me

always loving you

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

Love is

You told me you loved me

but you told her too

how can both be true?

what is the matter with you?

you don’t know what love is

its not just the passion in a kiss

not just someone you might miss

or a momentary bliss

love is caring more for someone than you

its not just what you say but what you do

it’s not just a word you say

to get your way

its not just a habit you make

before a heart you break

its not just a response you give

to make it easy to live

with someone who says it first

so you don’t feel worse

love is caring more for someone than you

its not just what you say but what you do

(c) 2017 by Catherine Elder

You know hope

Don’t you know me

when its dark and grey

when you’ve had a bad day

when things aren’t going your way

Don’t you know me

when life knocks you down

when you’re on your knees on the ground

when your heart races and pounds

don’t you know me

I’ve walked beside you for years

I’ve held on through your dark fears

I’ve carried you when your eyes blurred with tears

don’t you know me

when Pandora opened her box I stayed

when everyone thought all was lost, I prayed

when all was gone that’s when I’m made

you know me

I’m the light that sets you free

that helps you be all you can be

I’m part of your personality

Hope is eternal, always there when in need

It grows when others help it feed

It may lie dormant or recede

but it is there when you plead

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

Autumn

The falcons screech and cry

The leaves dance in the sky

The wind laughs and pulls them away

Just another autumn day

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

Momma

Momma I wish I knew you better

Momma I wish we had more time together, momma

Momma would work and come home late

she’d still listen to our complaints

She’d do the dishes, the laundry and meals

she’d stop to hear how we feel

she’d buy our clothes with the money she earned

then she’d ask what we had learned

I have to confess

I never saw her buy a new dress

when she had a chance to leave she stayed

and worked at a job that hardly paid

with a man who didn’t love her or treat her well

she stayed for us, she stayed in hell

she loved to dance 

she loved to paint

she loved to travel 

she loved to laugh

so I hope she is dancing now

the dishes are done, the kids are fed

the laundry is folded, we made our beds

when it was time for you to rest

you got sick and then you left

Momma I wish I knew you better

Momma I wish we had more time together, momma

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

tomorrow never comes

I was going to lose 10 lbs tomorrow
I was going to wear the little black dress tomorrow
I was going to get so much done
But tomorrow never comes

the woman two door down
her furniture is on her lawn
an ambulance came now she's gone
no more tomorrows

time goes so fast
and yet we put off so many things
we forget it doesn't last
and now is all we have

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Who you are

Someone died tonight
someone cried tonight
don't know why tonight

someone went out to dance
didn't know they took a chance
some say its like France

there are bullies full of fear
they shout you don't because they can't hear
they are scared of who they are

stand firm in your own skin
and the bullies can not win

because their hate is based in fear
they will never have what you hold dear

pride in knowing who you are

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

If I had a dream...

If I had a dream would it come true
If I had a dream it would be of you
If I had a dream, don't you understand
If I had a dream, I'd be holding your hand

I had a dream late last night
I woke up and turned on the lights
But you weren't there, any more
Just me behind a closed door

I can almost hear you say
Move on
I get in my own way
Can't face that you're gone

If I had a dream...

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

58 crosses

I do not know you and now I never will

I cry for you, I cry my fill

I cry for your loved ones, who will miss you so

I cry, I cry because you had to go

your loss ripples through the universe

we cry, we cry and we curse

there are 58 crosses  

in Las Vegas

the shots reverberate

how can there be so much hate

tears across the land

how can we understand

there are 58 crosses to bear

58 crosses out there

some have stars of David, others red hearts

the grief they hold can’t be told apart

let people see so we never forget

life is precious and time is to let

It is so unclear

How did we let fear

turn to anger and violence

we can not be silenced

how did we let guns

get into hands undone

If we all open our hands

reach to understand

dissolve fear with love and compassion

bring caring back in fashion

because there are 58 crosses

watered with tears of losses

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Do you know what I see when I look at you? to competitors in Invictus Games

Do you know what I see when I look at you?

I see determination, perseverance, courage, and yes stubbornness.

Not the wheels, the prosthetic limb, the shaking

Do you know what I see when I look at you?

I see fear, pain, anger, and doubt.

I see hope, camaraderie, love, caring and patience.

Do you know what I see when I look at you?

I see my Grandfather on his loyal horse in the calvary in WWI, the last time he rode before getting injured and his horse was given to another who went out the following day and got blown up along with the horse. 

I see my uncle, young and scared being deployed to France in WWII. The only thing he ever said about the war was that he’d like to go see Paris in peace time. He never did.

I see my nephew serving overseas and his proud parents praying for his save return.

I see an ex military guy I met that had 54 pieces of metal inside him from a bomb that went off waiting for the day that one of those pieces would float to his heart and kill him.

I see someone who stares down the boogey man, the threats, the fear, the fighting, the destruction, the chaos and says first, you need to get through me.

Do you know what I see when I look at you?

I see the cost of my freedom. 

Freedom that means I can say what I want and where, as long as its not a hate crime of course. I can get any education I can afford. I can complain to my government about tuition fees. I can protest. I can change my gender, orientation, body, religion and mind because I live in a democracy free from tyranny, because of you.

Do you know what I see when I look at you?

I see you. And I am grateful.

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

fine feathered friends

You've heard about the robin

the robin was the only bird
to have ever heard
a brave man cry

the robin was the only one
to get something done
about relieving pain

the robin bares the mark
even in the darkest dark
of its courage

our fine feathered friends
shouldn't we be more like them

You've heard about the mockingbird

its the mockingbird
that must be heard
to be believed

it just sings its song
it does no wrong
so remember it

the mockingbird never causes pain
it just sings its song over again
so never kill a mockingbird

our fine feathered friends
shouldn't we be more like them

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

touch of red

a touch of red
summer is dead
a red leaf on a tree
autumn has come to be

a touch or red
the day is dead
a bit of red in the sky
night won't be denied

the forest has aged
wax leaves on a page
dimmed is the sun
lost in the horizon

time is a wasting
so long
to many things

time is a wasting
so long
to what it brings

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

teach the children

teach the children

teach the children
about witches and santa claus
teach them to obey all our laws

teach the children
the pink and blue theory
blue reaches skies
but pink is dreary

teach them science
half life and whole
teach them how to
fill the mood

teach them time
and where shadows fall
teach them freedom
backs against the wall

teach them how to be
just like you
teach them never to think
of what else there is to do


(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

love has no colour

your arms hold me tight
keeping me safe through the night
let it be like a rainbow
a spectrum of feelings you want to know

and as the tears cascade
I feel I'm in a masquerade
love has no bounds
no restrictions to be found

now take my hand
and please understand
when I'm feeling pain
whisper those words again

when I'm having doubts
tell me what its all about
life is feeling all the emotions in you
you've got to feel them to be alive, you do

let there be no sorrow
for a passing of tomorrow
but don't let there be regret
and whatever else never forget

love has no colour

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

Africa

Tears across the ocean
cries across the land
don't tell me not to be concerned
cause I don't understand

Your trouble is mine
Your fears I share
your pain I feel
I can't help but care

Not too long ago
I didn't know what apartheid meant
I didn't know the pain going on
I didn't know where justice went

God created us in his image
differences added for spit
we are related in every way
and I think that's rather nice

We've got brothers and sisters
the whole world wide
I'd like to get to know them
and comfort them when they cry

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

We'll never have

We'll never have the patience of the earth
creating mountains and taking years
we'll never have the majesty of a lion
walking proudly not showing its fears
we'll never be as generous as a tree
giving of its fruits and breath for free

A bee only stings to protect its hive
the consequence of its anger it dies
a fox only steals out of hunger
its true to itself and never lies

A skunk is a simple creature
its only protection its spray
birds always sing in the morning
they give a concert every day

We'll never be as forgiving as the dolphin
caught up in a tuna net
we'll never understand like the elephant
there are too many things we forget

the earth is ours to keep for our children
ours to hold in trust and it trusts us to hold
and everything on it demands protection
until the sun grows too hot and gets cold

there is nothing that we can take with us
when its time for us to journey beyond
the earth reclaims till dust is dust
live in it and not just upon

the earth holds all the answers
to questions asked and unknown
all our answers are within reach
everywhere a cure is grown
but when a species dies
there is an answering cry
as the consequences reverberate
and gradually penetrate
every layer of life to a cell
then it will be too late to tell

you can't take away a bear's pride
by making it dance
a leopard is trut to its spots
and will flee given the chance

a zebra never ridicules its cousin the horse
for not looking or acting the same
a whale will protect its young
so to put some people to shame

a panda doesn't bask in any vanity
a panther never rests in captivity
a rhino only knows the value of its horn
is to protect itself and the young born

the only science a monkey is interested in
is how to eat, to climb, and to grin
a lion is king without taxes or debt
a tortoise's life is a gamble with never a bet

when the last redwood falls
will anybody hear it
all the wild grass smothered by cement
will we be able to bear it

will the earth shake
will we finally awake
will the water rise to claim all
will all the mountains fall
will the wind stop singing its song
will we have righted all our wrongs

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

white colour

The news said white nationalist

oxymoron

how can you be for a country

and against half its citizens?

They said white supremacist

aren’t we over that

apparently not say the KKK

Shocked that there still is KKK

white is now its the dirty word

dragged through the mud

of racist rhetoric

I am not a minority

I do not apologize

I was born this colour

I don’t see it as my race

I don’t identify it as my culture

It just is

It means I burn easy

but to some

colour has become a divider

why can't it be just a colour
someday when it doesn't evoke
slashes of discrimination

how do we heal

a history of pain

we can’t, can we

Can we move forward

and be kind to one another

because colour is beauty

and we need colour in our lives

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Perspective

Its all the way you look at things
that determines what life brings

grey hair, streaks of age
the turning of another page
or highlights of wisdom earned
knowledge from experience learned

middle age, life half through
too many things you'll never do
or just hitting your prime
now able to appreciate time

wrinkles of worry, crows feet
map of time, gravity's defeat
or laughter lines, character on show
you're a person worth getting to know

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

walking wounded

look around and you will see
walking wounded in everybody
we all have wounds that will not heal
we're all scared of what we feel

the walking wounded are everywhere
people that got hurt cause they care

they have two choices they can make
they can hope or they can break
they can get lost in a self pity maze
they can resent and relive painful days

or they can hope and try again
they can get past all the pain
but that's only for the brave and strong of heart
to pick up the pieces for a new start

we're all walking wounded but some allow to heal
and grow stronger till we can feel

(c)2017 by Catherine Elder

loving fool

Listen to the words I say
are they mine or someone from the past
a wounded little girl who learnt love doesn't last
in the shadow of hurt scars of doubt are cast

anyone that I love
i have to push away
because deep in my heart
I know they'll never stay

I can't see through all my fears
my vision blurred by tears
or is it all just a ruse
am I searching for an excuse
for all the mistakes I've made
and the doubts I've laid

Will I never learn
the secret of true love
or will my heart always yearn
for that which is so far above

am I a dreamer
am I a fool

I've walked the valley of despair
I've spent a lot of time there
I've glimpsed a rainbow
on the horizon
but then it goes
like the setting sun
and I never make it there

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Weaver

If I could weave you a world I would
filling it with everything that's good
Clouds
wouldn't be allowed
tears
would follow laughter, not fears
smiles
wouldn't be so fragile
and hearts
couldn't be torn apart

if I could weave you a world it'd be
full of people that are always happy
laughter
that lasts forever after
teasing
that's done to be pleasing
sorrow
left for a never arriving tomorrow
and mad
something you've never had

I wish I could weave you a world
that wouldn't unravel at a touch
but I can only wish you the best
because I care about you so much

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Brontosaurus

The brontosaurus
ate the chorus
of dancing girls
give it a twirl
what a meal
how does it feel
to be eaten whole
what a role

like King Kong
he went wrong
even Faye Ray
couldn't save the day
poor brontosaurus
wouldn't discuss
his problem with anyone
so he wasn't any fun

he was down
wore a frown
look around

he was so lonely
that he was the only
the only one
under the sun
of his kind
he went out of his mind
but if he'd looked
he couldn't have mistook
all the friends he could've had
all special, unique, its too bad

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Don't hurt... (to Trudi Chase)

Rabbit holds all the pain
cause you don't want to go through it all again
the saddest sound you never want to hear
is the howl of a hurt rabbit's fear

don't hurt the child
or the child will disappear
don't hurt the child
they've got too much to fear

don't hurt the child
its in you they trust
don't hurt the child
by treating them with disgust

don't hurt the child
who is seen but never heard
don't hurt the child
with even an unkind word

don't hurt the child
by raising your hand
don't hurt the child
bend to understand

don't hurt the child
its a silence they can't bare
don't hurt the child
with secrets to dark to share

don't hurt the children
let them grow up carefree
don't hurt the children
help them be all they can be

love the child
with gentle loving care
don't hurt the rabbit
or nothing will be there

(c) 2017 Catherine Elder

Have I seen the light

Have I seen the light Lord
in a dolphin's leap
have I seen the light Lord
as a child sleeps

have I seen the light, in the bloom of a flower
have I seen the light, in the darkest hour
Have I seen the light, in a mother's eyes
have I seen the light, in the clear blue skies

have I seen the light Lord
when I least expect
have I seen the light Lord
I'm gaining new respect

have I seen the light, even when alone
have I seen the light, even when I roam
have I seen the light, when I am bereft
have I seen the light, when there's nothing left

have I seen the light Lord
way down in my soul
have I seen the light Lord
so it makes me whole

have I seen the light, in my deepest heart
have I felt the light, so to make a new start

have I been the light Lord
when others need it so
have I been the light Lord
when they had no place else to go

can I share the light Lord
with everyone I meet
Can I be the light Lord
to guide down darkest streets

Are we all the light Lord
waiting for the dawn
let us be the light Lord
ready to turn on

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Moon glow

Half moon on the rise
I can see by the look in your eyes
you're on your way
out the door

well the dawn's just about broke
and I've only just awoke
I know it'll be one of those days
cause you're not here anymore

the suns at high noon
I know I'll get used to it soon
being all alone
without you

the stars are shining bright
its going to be a long, long night
as I wait
with nothing else to do

a quarter moon's hanging low
I've got nowhere else to go
it's time
to get on

well a full moon's on the rise
and I can tell from my sighs
another love
has come and gone

the sun always chases the moon
its going to be another day soon
another day to try
and forget you

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Old fashioned lace

she wears old fashioned lace
it makes her look out of place

but she doesn't really care
she's not all there
someone hurt her long ago
that's all I know

she's like a flower withering in fall
she doesn't care at all
she's lost in her yesterday
that's where she'll stay

she lives for her memories, its a shame
after all this time, she still recalls his name
she says he gave her flowers
and many happy hours

but she's a flower in the fall
she blooms as she recalls
many years have passed her by
they haven't been kind, she waits to die

she said she was quite the rage
in her younger days
he said he liked her in old fashioned lace
saying it emphasized her loving face

she wears old fashioned lace
it makes her look out of place

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Slip away

slip away, slip away, slip aaaaway

before the darkness has gone from the night
between then and the first rays of sunlight
when everything is unreal
and I'm too tired to feel

slip away

if you must go, go fast
so with kindness we recall the past
how I wish you'd remain
things will never be the same

maybe you'll come back here
I'll wait for you tear after tear

slip away

and maybe someday
you'll turn over so as not to see
someone you love
slipping away

slip away

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Love is just a mirage

love is a chemical reaction
a need for sexual satisfaction
sure I have my disillusion
I think love is just a fusion
love is just a jumbling of senses
losing control of ones defenses

love is just a mirage
it'll slip through your hands
just like desert sand

its just a thirst
that becomes worse
you think its love you feel
cause your thoughts reel
you think this is it
so you submit

then you wake up hot and dry
sexual needs satisfied
now you learnt what I know
love as quickly comes, quickly goes
the heat of passion is incomparable
but the morning after is unbearable

love is just a mirage
it uses passion as a camouflage
it'll slip through your hands
just like desert sand

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Autumn breeze

Autumn breeze take my troubles away
autumn wind make me forget that day

he held me in his arms
said I'd come to no harm
but it was a lie
now its my turn to cry

he made me a woman too soon
under the stars of June
summer romances are all very well
but why wasn't I told, autumn is hell

he kindled in me a sweet fire
ignited it to a burning desire
and on that summer night
he made me feel so right

I don't fit in at school
I feel like such a fool
my dreams are all lost
why must I pay the cost

of being made a woman too soon
under the stars of June
Autumn breeze take my troubles away
autumn wind make me forget that day

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Someday someone's going to hurt you

No shield of amor can deflect
all life's battles and personal conflicts
you can't hide in shadows or shade
this is something you can't evade
you must face it when it arrives
that's the only way to survive

chorus:
someday someone's going to hurt you
and there'll be nothing you can do
no warning of the pain
Lord knows it'll come again
someday someone's going to hurt you

in love and war all is fair
but the loving is more than rare
as cupid's arrow hits its mark
you may only cry after dark
your heart will ache as if pierced by a speer
you'll cry out buy no one will hear

chorus

you'll never know what day
but that isn't left to say
you shouldn't hope or even dare
or not let yourself care
but if you can afford
then love can be its own reward

(c)2017 Catherine Elder

Make-believe world

Chorus
Its a make-believe world, its a fairy tale
a dream, a hope, a wish that never fails
its a myth, a fable, a story at bedtime
a verse, a poem, a moral in a rhyme
we go through life with eyes that don't see
because we don't want to face reality

look at her bureau and all it holds
think about it till you grow cold
the night creams
the lost dreams
all her lotions
and lost emotions
the makeup, war paint, hides her from view
but a foggy mirror can't see the real you
she dyes her hair, colours her eyes
darkens her face to hide the lies
but its herself that hides
until there's not much inside
she puts up a veneer
to cover all her fears
she speaks inconsequential chatter
about things that don't really matter
and she spends her life like a miser would
letting it slip by not doing what she could

repeat chorus

he wears three piece suits and a tie
he lets life pass him by
because men aren't suppose to cry
no one's allowed to see beyond the eye
a fast car, local bars
rising star, has come far
he puts up a protective front
becomes aggressive and blunt
he has flings, an occasional affair
nothing serious, he doesn't want to care
someone close might detect his Achilles' heel
and attack his weaknesses so its pain he feels
his amor, his defences are always in display
so noe one can get close, no one can stay
money is his aid, his get rich schemes
but it'll only fade, like a forgotten dream

(c)2017 Catherine Elder