Under the bridge

she sent me a friend request
its been 30 years
we don't know each other
anymore
I hesitate
I haven't changed
not really
sure I've traveled
changed jobs
had a few relationships
bought a house
got a dog
and another
and another
but I'm the same
she's probably been married
had a few kids
she moved west

I lied
I'm not so worried
about her having changed
and me not so much
I don't know if she knows
should I ask her?
should I just leave it?
what if she asks?
what if she says something
about him?
Do I tell her
he jumped off a bridge
about 10 years ago
He made me hash one night
in the days when I still
ate meat
and we talked all night
he was reading The Stand
and joked that he hid it
under his bed
when he got to the scary parts
and I told him
under the bed was still scary
it would be better to hide it
in the freezer
so the scary parts
couldn't get him
like Joey did on Friends
when he was reading
Little Women and Beth...
we laughed
and I had no idea
that he had demons
I wish he'd put them
in the freezer
instead of taking them
to that bridge

so do I tell her
do I friend her
or should I
put the past
in the freezer

(c)2018 Catherine Elder